Two years ago today...
I went in to the hospital and at 11:59pm my baby boy entered the world.
I was honest about the sheer terror I felt at becoming a mother. Especially as I was losing mine.
I was also feeling quite set in my ways and my life. While years prior I was certain I wanted a child, at this stage I felt I had narrowly escaped the never ending on call sacrifice, the worry, the lifestyle cramping, freedom stealing money grubbing and sleep depriving reality of parenthood. Whew!
Aidan was already a week late and I was in no rush. Feeling a little ashamed that I wasn’t “dying to meet him” as all the literature and so many other mothers have talked about. I was holding on to my last hours of freedom for dear life.
But alas, it was time. Due to complications, I had to have an emergency c-section (you can find that crazy blog on my website) and the team of late shift doctors that looked like the beautiful young cast of “Lost,” laughed and joked and made bets with my man about the arrival time throughout the whole procedure. The anesthesiologist was determined to make sure it was a September 7 birthday for the luck of the number! And by golly he made it happen with less than a minute to spare.
Having no feeling from the waist down and still struck with terror (and all the nasty symptoms of sudden onset preeclampsia) I didn’t have a clue what was happening. Until I heard the cry...
I remember the sound like it was an hour ago, asking, “Is that him”? And one doctor squeezing my hand and telling me “He’s here and we’ll hand him to you in just a moment.” I was shaking head to toe. Partially from the preeclampsia and mostly from fear that now held a surprising excitement and anxiousness to see him. To feel him and yes, to meet him.
Finally, he was placed on my chest where he immediately latched on tight to nurse and the flood gates of my heart opened in a gush I could have never imagined and can still not adequately describe. The whole world around me suddenly disappeared. It was me and Aidan.
Two years later, here we are madly in love with each other. I know I can say this without a shred of doubt. I can also say with all sincerity that so far, not one thing about this has been hard. Nothing has been anything less than a marvelous, miraculous love fest. One game we like to play now, that started months ago, is for me to plant myself several feet from him, arms wide open and yell, “DE-LIIIIIIIGHT!!!” When he hears that he drops anything he’s doing and runs straight into my arms beaming and giggling, then runs away, turns around and waits for me to shout it again and again and again. All the while, the world around us disappears, every time. I call it our “Sweet Delight” game.
That’s just one of the many joys and sweet delights this baby boy gives me on an hourly basis.
A minute by minute, second by second basis.
Being a singer, of course I sing to him all the time. We have 2 songs that I’ll sing in my heart forever. I shared the first one in my blog last year which is the bed time song, Could I Have This Dance (For the Rest of My Life).
And the tune that wraps it all up for me is...
BE MY LITTLE BABY
The night we met I knew I needed you so
And if I had the chance I'd never let you go
So won't you say you love me
I'll make you so proud of me
We'll make them turn their heads
Every place we go
So won't you be (be my be my baby)
Be my little baby (my one and only baby)
Say you'll be my darling (be my be my baby)
Be my baby now (my one and only baby)
I'll make you happy baby
Just wait and see
For every kiss you give me
I'll give you three
Oh since the day I saw you
I have been waiting for you
You know I will adore you
Lastly, Just before waking this morning I was dreaming that Aidan was crawling on my mom in her hospital bed giving her kisses and making her laugh. We knew she was dying. It was so sad but so sweet. She was giggling. So precious to wake up on his birthday with such a dream.
Love Lives On and thanks to all of you for helping it to be true.
Love and Gratitude,